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A Ceremony of Carols II

by Collin Estes

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1.
Idea of You 05:18
Yesterday is always better, and last year will be ours When I kissed you under the beerlight, Watched by voyeuristic stars Yeah, and I was like you and you were like me And maybe that’s still true, in another place and time. The winter it was cold that year, a stillness in the air I wished that I could set out running and fix the absence there And maybe it was within reach, But it was much too weak for us to hang onto. I’m trying to find the idea of you in the body of someone else, But you’re long gone The storm don’t strike three times Not even twice. She claimed I could not bridge the distance, But that was never true. I was cold and famished, strung out, Gone on a train to you I hear that lonesome whistle blow, and I forget to breathe. Now I’m trying to find the idea of you in the body of someone else, But it’s all gone. I was too far away To speak then, why bother now. It’s a long drive home, no need to break the silence now. I could run a thousand miles, if I still knew how You were like me and I was like you, we both could be so cruel, But then that’s nothing new. Trying to find the idea of you in the body of someone else, But you’re long gone The storm don’t strike three times Not even twice.
2.
Hold me closer, it looks like rain Aren’t you just a vision tonight? Drink one more to keep the spirits away Don’t want to see their faces or learn their names Hold me down, pretty blue sky Let’s run away to an island I’m walking a tightrope to knock on your door Head full of anger, mouth full of teeth Rock-a-my-soul and cradle my bones Take my hand, we’re going together Rock-a-my-soul and cradle my bones Cradle my bones and rock my soul away Hold me closer, it’s all crashing down Whisper a hex that’ll keep us safe I’ll take you apart with a lock and a key You’ll do the same to me Rock-a-my-soul and cradle my bones Take my hand, we’re going together Rock-a-my-soul and cradle my bones Cradle my bones and rock my soul away Devil children down my street Will chase you down with your shadow Trash in the basement, asleep in your lap Rings of marrow and piles of stone Rock-a-my-soul and cradle my bones Take my hand, we’re going together Rock-a-my-soul and cradle my bones Cradle my bones and rock my soul away
3.
4.
The first fragment says “memories fade and die,” And I wish that was true Then I wouldn’t have to live with reminders And signs in the sky that forever point back to you The second piece says something about a spine, And there’s not much there I never thought about it then, but now it’s funny, The next line ends with “care.” Out of the black and into the blue We all love and missed you so much Welcome back to the fold, welcome back to the fold Sit on the right side and watch ‘em burn Welcome back to the fold, welcome back to the fold Sit on the right side and watch ‘em burn Welcome back to the fold, welcome back to the fold The third fragment says “dreams, they fall apart” And that’s what they’re supposed to do What would be righteous or good, they say, If everything you wanted actually came true The last fragment says “you seem so far away” But at night I can almost feel you still As I lie and burn, waiting for the day it all comes to an end. Out of the black and into the blue We all love and missed you so much Welcome back to the fold, welcome back to the fold Sit on the right side and watch ‘em burn Welcome back to the fold, welcome back to the fold We all love and missed you so much Welcome back to the fold, welcome back to the fold (A mind afraid, too scared to let go) So good to see you again. . . .
5.
Memories they fade to black I will run headlong into the rising tide Just to destroy it all Just to destroy myself The only things that last Are darkness, death and cruelty Each day, farther from God’s light ~ Instrumental.
6.
In the Sky 08:54
When I was young, I saw a piece torn out of the sky It burned with a significance That was lost on a young man’s eyes I’d spend my days in dreams of deepest blue Drifting on an eiderdown summer stream. But oh, the colors bleed away As all my friends and fortunes Slowly turn to greener pastures And oh, in the beginning Everything started with a word. I find my soul longs to wander far from this body, Instead of singing something for this new and savage country. None of us are free, none of us even dream of freedom As we watch the world around us Crushed by the degradation of progress. And oh, each chain of flowers falls to dust “Even in laughter, the heart is full of sorrow” And oh, in the beginning was the darkness Then the water, then the wailing. Now who is like this beast of steel? Watch as the Age of Aquarius dies screaming Now who is like our beast of steel? Who is like this beast of steel? It’s not an absence of you, It’s a deprivation. Time levels all ambition, And desire kills you where you stand When I was young, I saw a piece torn out of the sky I’m waiting to beat this sword into a plow. Oh, in the beginning was the darkness Oh, in the beginning, everything started with a word.
7.
I must beg for forgiveness For a sin I didn’t commit. All I remembered that year was the fire And the way your eyes looked near the sea. And absolution is a game we play With the lights off and curtains drawn in I stumble through the motions and I love you But we live in a house made of glass. Your hand is like mist when I hold it For I hold it only at night Your hand, it looks like a child’s tonight I hold it and we tremble together. Why don’t you come in from the cold? Maybe we’re not alone. You stand here in the rain And I can’t remember a thing All the letters and all of the years Fake flowers beneath a fake moon Why don’t you come in tonight? Maybe there’s still a light?
8.
Hold your tongue, child You’re gonna tear down the sky with those words Come back and bathe yourself in the light Put away those dreams of ashes The sky is a fragile thing And words have never saved us Who holds the cup where we drink our miracles? Who will shelter us in these days of blood and ashes?
9.
Girl I can’t get you out of my head I’m feeling locked in my own skin You’ve got me running ‘round, thinking up plans Of misspent youth, petals and dew. And oh, it comes down at the strangest times! Ever since I watched you dance And now the hour is getting late, and since my eyes met yours There is no escaping from this fever I endure I’ve crossed myself and pray to keep myself within her view Oh lord, I think I’m going out of my mind Girl I can’t get you out of my head Your kiss is like roses and foxglove The strangest wine going straight to my brain Swirling ‘round like a bird in the rain And oh, it comes down at the strangest times! Never added up before The wind it blew me far off-course And I crashed upon your shore Now I’m stranded by these hillsides And I don’t care to go home See the mountains kiss high heaven And the sea holds hand and waves Oh lord, here’s my soul to save! And oh, I can’t control these feelings, Not when there’s so much to do!
10.
Wings 05:00
There are no great wings to take me home Which way can I fly when I carry this? But I won’t forget or repent now Even as I see you again I remember how it used to be And in some ways, I wish I could return But saying false confessions wouldn’t solve anything And I want to keep some remnants of my pride I know what I am And I couldn’t bury this forever. So I’ll always look in from the outside But I’ll never choose a different way.
11.
5000 lbs. 07:27
Do you believe in a future? Do you believe in a dream called providence? Do you believe we’ll meet in the air again one day? Do you believe that demons walk amongst us? Do you believe that we can change? Do you believe you’ll be safe when you close your eyes? Do you believe in the sins of our fathers? Do you believe that we can change? Do you believe in the rapture of dreaming a better tomorrow? Such a beautiful dream for tomorrow. . . .

credits

released June 13, 2018

Collin Estes - Vocals, Guitars, Drums, Bass, Keyboards, Tapes & Other Sounds
Archer - Piano, String Mellotron (1)
Harveyjnz, MrAuralization - Tape deck samples (1)
Gregory Owens - Voice (3)
Zachary Scanlan - Harpischord Intro (9), Violin (11), Vocals (11)
Mason France - Vocals (10,11)
Erin Moore - Vocals (11)

All music and lyrics by Collin Estes

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Glass Parade Colorado Springs, Colorado

Collin Estes
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